The Album that made me fall in love with Music

Written by Elisha Kiala

Photo by Steve Pyke 

I remember looking through the corner of my left eye and seeing this cover on the CD stand in my childhood home in Deptford. Before I would close my eyes to sleep, this photo was the last thing I saw. Deep in my dreams, I would hear the guitar strings plucking through my brain, he was singing me a lullaby. From that point on, this album became the soundtrack to my life. And I would spend years and years feeling these feelings of grief, happiness and sorrow all at once because of this album. My life became real at this point, my blessings were beginning to fade, and this album kept me sane. It makes me whole. 

I remember being in my secondary school classroom, playing his concerts to my friends. This was the year he passed, explaining to them the grief we felt losing him. It was strange, before this point, I had not realised how big he was. I mean, internationally I knew, but more so to myself. I shed a tear re-watching his concert in the living room with my parents that day. When I watch those same concerts today, I remember that feeling It's so crazy and beautiful how music can bring you back to that same place. Your body remembers it all. 

 It was different, this one song, ‘Rail on’ sung in Swahili, is the song I remember the most. The song both calms me and makes me cry. The traditional Rumba song is both about love and heartbreak. The song opens ‘Machozi yangu yote namalizika, Mie nitalala na nani we unaenda’. This translates to, ‘My tears have run dry, who will I lay with since you are leaving’. I was too young to understand the feelings of heartbreak, and yet I felt every emotion being sung. At that time, I had no lover, just way too many crushes. Maybe in my younger brain, that was the loss I was feeling. I was too afraid to be honest about my feelings because of my fear of rejection. So, ‘My tears’ ran dry.  Heartbreak is such a huge feeling, at times it feels bigger than us. I know many of us are afraid of it, for me mainly because of the hysteria online around it. But this song puts the feelings of heartbreak and loss in such a beautiful way. Adding closure to the end of a relationship. Though heartbreak is painful, it can also be peaceful, like the song's melody. 

The chorus goes, ‘Rail on, think that's the way’. I still don't fully understand what this means, but in my anxious moments, it soothes me. It's this reminder to keep going even when I do not fully understand where my life is going. Perhaps my heartbreak could be those broken promises I have felt victim to in my childhood. Or those times I felt too alone to be honest about my losing hope in the people and things around me. ‘Rail On’ serves as a reminder to continue despite what you may feel in the moment. And though this song reminds me of my sadder times, this album is still so nostalgic to me. It also reminds me of more oblivious moments in my life. The times when I would ask for the song to be played over and over again on my parents' CD player in the sala.  It reminds me of so much I have lost in the years of replaying this album. This song has a different purpose for me now than it did when I was 11. That's important to me, it shows me the power of music. My favourite songs and albums are forever clouded by the memories of a past that I hope to forget. Despite this, I don't because growing with this album is everything to me. This album has almost become a part of me. I used to ‘Rail on’ when I had an overwhelming crush at 13, now I ‘Rail on’ to the immense grief I feel every day. 

Manda Tchweba observed, “Kinshasa urban identity is tied up in music and in many ways the two come of age together”. Like this genre, this album comes of age with me. Every faze of my life, the words of PaPa Wemba changes meaning. Perhaps this was the music's purpose: to connect with African people in their struggles. From colonialism to romantic heartbreak. We dance and cry to the same music, and it ages us. We shouldn't be afraid of this, we should allow it to change us. I will allow this album to continuously change me. I will allow this album to forever impact me.  Allow me to grieve, allow me to cry tears of joy. 

Refrences

‘Congolese Rumba and Other Cosmopolitanisms’- Bob W. White